Trying to Fill a Void

Emptiness, part 2:

               “Danielle, pick up babe.” The only reply to Bryan’s plea was the faintly static silence that told him there was no chance that Danielle was going to answer her phone. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. It was the alcohol, I swear. I would never hit you baby.” Still silence. Nothing but that eerie silence. Frustrated, Bryan hung up and hurled a fist at the wall. It connected with a stud, causing him to yell expletives and cradle his wounded hand. Obviously it was going to take more than sniveling and apologizing to get her back. He had never seen her so hurt before. The cavern in his chest that she had created when she left hurt him worse than the ache for alcohol he felt. He needed her.

                His lethargic frame sagged against the wall and he let out a pitiful moan. Again, he dialed her number and waited hopelessly as the phone rang and rang. And then-

                “Bryan, stop calling. Please. I don’t want to talk.” Her voice was like a salve to his aching heart.

                “Dani, please just listen, it’s not my fault-”

                “Shut up, okay? We’re over. I can’t…” her voice caught and he could tell she was crying. “I can’t do this anymore.”

                “But I can’t live without you. Dani...” Bryan’s intoxicated mind groped for the right words, anything to make her stay. He needed her second chance. More than life. “Danielle, if you don’t take me back then I’ll end it all.” There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, broken only by Danielle’s haggard breathing.

                “What?” She asked after a few moments. Bryan took a shaky breath.

                “If I can’t have you than there’s no reason for me to live. I’ll get in the car right now and drive off a bridge.” His threat was met with more silence.

                “You are so, so drunk. Sober up and get your head on straight.” Danielle said finally.

                “I swear Dani, I’ll leave right now. You’re all I have to live for. Look… I know the drinking is a problem. I see that now.” Tears started to drip down Bryan’s cheeks. “I would never want to hurt you. But if you don’t take me back, then there isn’t any reason for me to go on being hurt.” It was the right thing to do, he decided. It made sense. No Danielle, no reason for living. Even the alcohol couldn’t take away the pain.

                “Bryan, you’re scaring me. Tell me you’re not actually considering suicide.” Danielle’s voice had a touch of panic in it now.

                “I’m dead serious. Tell me that we’re over and I’ll leave. I’ll be out of your life forever.” He let the words hang in the air for a moment. “Well?” There was a sigh.

                “Bryan… I don’t want that. I love you.” Happiness flooded through Bryan. “Look, can we talk tomorrow? I’m a little… drained.”

                “Of course baby. I love you too. And I am so sorry.”

       
          Relationships. It's the word that makes everyone either cringe or grin like an idiot. Or both. Let's be clear though, relationships can be anything from friends to family members to pets. But I'm talking about "romantic relationships". Those things that tend to drive us crazy and make us do stuff we don't normally do.
          Why is that? Are we so desperate for approval that we'd sell who we are so someone will fall for us? I think everyone's been in that place before, where you put on a front and tailor your every word and action to impress the person who you have feelings for. Deep down, we all know that you shouldn't have to be fake with the person you love. Relationships are based on love, honesty and trust, so how can we expect to have a good relationship with someone if we aren't honest with them about who we are? I'm not saying that you should unload your life story and all of your weird habits on them the first time you meet them. Relationships take time, and so as you come to know the person more and more, you can come clean about the fact that you like to top Ritz crackers with peanut butter and shrimp. But there is a difference between lying to a person about who you are and simply not sharing it, and that's mainly where we fall into error. I mean, eventually that person is going to find out that you don't actually enjoy sunrise yoga and that you are definitely NOT a morning person. Wouldn't it be easier to be honest and say that you've never done sunrise yoga in your life? Then you might give it a try, but if you absolutely hate it then you aren't bound to keep going because you said you were an expert.
          We do these crazy things because we, as humans, are relational people. We have friends, we have family, we have girlfriends and boyfriends and spouses, because we don't really like to be alone. We like being around other people and being close to other people. Most people want to get married. We want to love and be loved. But there is a certain trap here, one that tests your priorities and your focus. Sometimes, we try to use relationships to fill a void in us. I talked a little before, about trying to fill that God-shaped hole in all of our hearts with this, that or the other. One of the things we use is relationships.
          Relationships can be addictive, and we tend to try to ease our loneliness/sorrow/despair/what-have-you with things that are addictive. Typically, people who are addicted to relationships act desperate, all the time, because they are desperate. No judgement or anything, but that's the way it is. I happen to know some people like this. If they aren't in a relationship they are desolate and inconsolable. They are constantly trying to find someone to date, and every time they find someone, the person that they find (and sometimes barely know) is always "the one" right from the start. I know a handful of people like this. Once in a relationship, they're clingy. Not the kind of "I really care about you, therefore I want to spend more time with you" attitude that is found in most relationships and isn't really clingy, but the "I can never leave your side, I love you, miss you, can't live without you even though we've only known each other a day" sort of thing. I would be surprised if you didn't know a person like this. They either give up on the relationship easily because they want a perfect happy ending, and people are never perfect, or they hold on far longer than they should because they don't want to be alone. Relationships take work but they just want someone to work for them, to take care of them, and when that doesn't happen they complain to no end. It is normal to have a few problems in every relationship, but giving up every time something goes wrong is not the correct way to approach it. Neither is ignoring serious problems because you're worried you won't find anyone better.
          Of course, that isn't to say that sometimes people who aren't addicted to relationships act in some of these ways. Everyone has insecurities and sometimes those come out and are highlighted in relationships. But people who are addicted to relationships act in extremes. And it always happens the same way.
          It may be cliche to say, but it's true. Jesus, being the Savior that He is, is ALL that you need. You don't NEED a person to complete you. If you have Jesus, you are already complete. It's perfectly natural to want to date or get married, but it shouldn't be your number one focus or priority. Just make sure you know where to draw the line.