Anger Management

          If there are any regular readers of this blog, (doubtful, I've seen the stats...) you might remember a poem I wrote not too long ago about anger. This is because I have a difficult time controlling my temper and as such needed an outlet for which to channel my fury. The result was my unedited, not-so-fantastic poem. Writing helps quell my rage, (as does songwriting, which is technically another form of writing but seems to me to be a different creature entirely,) and so I turn to pen and paper (or computer, as is now evidenced,) and scribble away like a madman until my heart rate calms down a bit. I honestly wish that I had a punching bag in my room. It would make life so much easier. Between that and my terrible writing, I would probably be able to manage my temper pretty well. Who has the emotional capacity to be upset when they've exhausted themselves physically and mentally by writing their hearts out and beating the non-living daylights out of a defenseless punching bag? Not I, sir.
          That, and music. They've always said that music can tame the beast, and in my case, I wholeheartedly agree. I am the first to admit that I am an absolute monster when I am angry. Then again, I don't know many people who are pleasant to be around when they are angry. But music seems to soothe me quite a bit. So the combination of music and writing works as a tonic, and slowly but surely anger seems to seep out of me until it's all but gone. Sadly, I'm convinced that it's never truly gone. I am all but certain that every emotion lives in varying degrees at all times within us. Even when we are our happiest, we are never truly rid of the sadness and the anger and all of those negative emotions. The same can be said when we are feeling negative emotions too, I think. When you're angry, you might not feel happy at all, but many times I've seen someone horrible furious and then, suddenly be made to laugh. We're complex creatures, and I believe that we feel many emotions all the time. We just aren't that good at discerning them.
          Right now, I am writing because I am angry. I have no problem admitting that. I am human, and therefore imperfect, and although it is often difficult for me to admit my flaws, it is honest and it is healthy. As a result of my imperfections, and my anger, I have been sitting here, typing away, babbling on about my anger management because... I need that release. Everyone has their own release, some healthy, some not, some lie in between. It's interesting, isn't it, how we can all be so different and yet so similar underneath? We all cry, we all bleed, we all smile, we all love, we all hate, we all hope, we all dream... everyone gets angry.
          So, I am sorry with taking up your time with my angry writings. But I do feel slightly better now, so I guess it had some value.
         

Hypocrites and Homophobes

Warning: this blog post may offend some people. You have been warned.  


Well if there's ever a title that will grab attention and make people angry or defensive, it's the one I just used. I'm sure I'll think of more, but for now that one takes the cake. Generally, it's because people go up and arms when the terms "hypocrite", "homophobe", or "homosexual", are used, and even more so when all three are used together.
These terms in particular have been on my mind a lot lately, and I thought I might address them. I'm not lesbian, bi, or transsexual, but I know some people who are, and they are people I love dearly. The issue in particular that I have been thinking on is the unstable relationship between the Christian and LGBT communities. You see, Christianity is a faith that is based on love. Matthew 22:35-40: "One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” And I understand that some parts of the Christian community are not very good at practicing those 5 verses. Of course, no one is perfect, (and any Christian, or any person for that matter, that claims to be perfect is severely misguided,) and I will concede that it is very difficult to love everyone all of the time, that is not an excuse to HATE on people.
In particular, people often bash on the Christian church for hating on the LGBT community. That makes me very sad, because although I don't know any Christians like this, I have heard and seen evidence of such actions, and I am sorry for it. And while I am not denying that there are people who profess to be Christians and then turn around and express hatred to the world, but before I launch into my main point here, I would just like to point out something. I'm a Christian, and many of the people I know would call themselves the same. I know some who are staunch supporters of gay rights and some who are themselves homosexual. I know some who disagree with homosexuality but don't point fingers and judge and hate and spew absolute venom with their words when discussing the subject. There are Christians out there who try to do what Jesus said, and love others. They don't raise their eyebrows in disgust when they're introduced to someone's partner. They are decent, loving people and they exist.
That being said, the garish caricature of the homosexual-hating Christian still exists, and it is that particular viewpoint that I wish to address.
And before I do so, I am going to remain silent on my opinion about homosexuality. Because honestly, whether I support it or not, I want the words I say to make an impact on both those who support it and those who don't. (You know, if anyone reads this at all.) I don't want what I am trying to say here to be over-ridden by my opinion on the matter.
And so, without further adieu: the point. (Here there be many cries of "IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!")
The reason for such hatred from the Christian community in regards to the LGBT community, and vice versa in some cases, is the verse from Leviticus 18:22- "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination." The thing that people get hung up on here is the word "abomination". I would guess that there is no one out there that likes to be called an abomination, especially for something that is a part of them. And some Christians can't see past that word, and cry out that homosexuality is a sin and therefore anyone who identifies as such needs to be condemned and hated on and forced to change something that they believe that they cannot change, regardless if they can or not. (Which makes me so angry. I'm sorry, but if you want someone to change something about themselves, what on earth makes you think that anger and hatred and vile behavior will coerce them into changing? People can be so ignorant.) Here's the thing that people fail to realize... (specifically the people claiming to be Christians who are so full of hate,) if homosexuality is a sin, what makes it any worse than your sins? The Bible clearly says in Romans 3:23- "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." That means everyone. Yes, even you, the pompous and self-righteous person carrying the angry sign. Matthew 7:1-5 says “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." If you are a sinner, (which you are, according to Romans 3:23,) than you have no right to judge others for sinning. That would make you a hypocrite. Which you are already if you are not obeying the two greatest commandments as stated by Jesus. (Hint: They have to do with LOVE.)
Everyone falls. Everyone sins. Everyone makes mistakes. We're human. Christians can be tempted to be uppity and self-righteous because of their faith. And I understand that. That happens to many people, Christian or not. But deliberately hating on people? That's hypocrisy. I hate to break it to you, but that is sin, my friends. And if you are so against homosexuality because you believe it is a sin, doesn't that put you in the same boat as them?
I am aware that this is a touchy topic for many, but I am not sorry if this offended you. I am sorry that you feel offended, but for me to be sorry would be to go back on everything I said. I don't believe that hatred is the answer to anyone's problems, and I won't take that back.
Something to think about maybe?

Summertime

          I particularly loathe myself for doing this, but I am going to write another post that is not part 2 of the death post I wrote earlier.
          I will get to it, my brain just works out of order. And I'm pretty sure that my blog doesn't really have regulars. I know I don't write often, but the views are so... sporadic. I don't think anyone will care.
          That being said... let's talk about summer.
          Summer. 
          At the risk of being shot, let me just say this: I hate summer.
          Okay, perhaps that was a bit harsh. I don't hate summer, per se, I... dislike it with great intensity.
          I mean, there are certain things that I like about summer, to be sure, it's just...
          THE HEAT.
          Oh, the heat. The terrible, awful, no-good, very-bad heat. It drives one insane. It makes you want to hop a plane to the Arctic and live there in the freezing cold forever.
          And yes, the heat is the reason that autumn is so wonderful when it finally arrives, and it's the reason swimming is so nice because it offers a break from the searing heat. Aside from that, I see no value in this particular season. Or temperature.
          The worst thing about the heat, I would imagine, is that it makes you feel so... slow. Lethargic. Like you're wading through molasses, even while performing the most mundane and easy tasks. Personally, my brain feels like it's only working at about half of it's normal capacity. (No smart quips about my writing. I am aware it needs improvement, and I don't blame that on the heat.) The traditional school calendar probably takes a break during summer because honestly, who can expect students to learn or turn out exceptional work with the infernal temperatures?
          Yes, I did just feel like ranting. My apologies if this seems like an enormous waste of your time.
          Take care to put on sunscreen during these horrible few months.

Anger

     Okay, I know I was supposed to do part 2 of my post about death, and I promise, that's coming soon. But sometimes I work out of order. It's how my brain is. So, while I am working on that, I thought I would post a poem of sorts. About anger. It's not the best, but I like it and am considering writing about a few other emotions. We'll see how that goes I guess.

     So, without further adieu:

            Sometimes, you don’t know it’s there at first. Sometimes, it comes upon you all at once, bubbling, broiling, filling your chest cavity with heat and passion and ferocity you didn’t know you possessed.

It takes root in your heart and it spreads it’s stalk, then it’s leaves, then it’s buds, throughout your entire body, and shoots it’s tendrils into your arms and legs.

 It tangles itself throughout your ribcage, curling and knotting around your bones.

It integrates itself deep into your core. It becomes a part of you.

And you can sit there, quietly, not even knowing the evil that’s growing inside you.

Anything can set it off, really. Once you start caring for it, nurturing it, letting it grow, the buds deepen in color and prepare themselves to bloom.

And then something they say tips the scale. One callous word can cause it to flower.

There is nothing comparable. When it flowers, it’s bloody red petals open up, and the pollen once trapped inside bursts into your veins. Carried throughout your entire body; your infected heart pumping it up into your brain.

It’s like a disease. The incurable, dastardly, all-consuming rage, a virus zooming through your body and ultimately exiting… though your mouth. Through your fists.

You can’t stop it. I can’t; I’ve tried.

Because it’s inside of every one of us, lying dormant until it is provoked. It can bloom, for a while. After it has run it’s course we prune it, water it, coddle it, until it has need to bloom again.

We don’t even realize just how much we care for it until the seasons change, and it explodes into it’s deep, caustic, malicious hues of scarlet and maroon.

The only way to eradicate it is to pull it out by the roots.

But that might kill us, you see. It is rooted in our hearts. 

The Second Act (Scene 1)

          I've been thinking a lot about life lately, and the strange twists and turns that it can take. For instance, here, in this moment, I'm going in a direction with my life that I never would have even considered 3 years ago. (Not that something significant happened 3 years ago to change my mind, but 5 years seemed too long. 4 is not the number to which I shalt count. 5 is right out. Okay, I'm done with the Monty Python references now.) It's strange though, how life and our experiences can completely change our viewpoints on some things. And how things can change so quickly. One second your life can be one way, and the next second everything you thought you knew has changed.
          Life is so changeable. More than that, life is so fragile.
          Cue the lead in for a talk about death.
          (By the way, I really don't know where this is coming from. I honestly don't.)
          I know that this is a sobering topic, and one that people like to avoid or skirt around or make light of or what have you, but death is a reality for all of us. One day, our life on this earth will come to an end and there's really nothing that we can do about it.
          A lot of people are afraid of dying, I know. Whether it be fear of dying in a painful, undesirable way, or fear of the end of their story and life as they know it or fear of the unknown, people fear death. It's something intangible, but inevitable. It cannot be tested or tried out, because once you die, that's pretty much it. You can't come back and tell others what exactly happened. (For any of you out there who believe in ghosts: I don't. I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone, but I don't believe in ghosts and therefore this aside right here is the only serious feature that ghosts will get on my blog. If you have an opposing viewpoint, that's fine. I'm not here to brow-beat anyone into believing something that they don't want to. I am completely against that tactic. But that is a post for another time.)
          So, today, let's take a look at a subject that is quick to irritate/offend/scare people: the afterlife.
          As one who is thoroughly addicted to mythology, and one actually enjoys researching certain topics, (topics that I find pertinent and useful, anyways,) I have come across many theories on the afterlife. There is of course, the theory that death is the end of everything and nothing comes after your life on earth. It's the end of the show, no curtain calls. (Ah, now I can tie in the analogy in the title. If your life was a one-act play, the "afterlife" would be act 2.) There's the ghost theory. (I'm sure that most of us are familiar with the concept of ghosts, so I won't trouble myself further by explaining it.) Reincarnation is another theory.
          I don't agree with any of the above theories. If I haven't made it obvious by now with my previous blog posts, let me fix that grievous mistake right now: I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross and rose from the dead three days later as the payment for our sins, and that salvation through Him is the only way to get to heaven and spend eternity with God. I believe in heaven, and in hell, and in a life after this one.
          It's a hopeful kind of viewpoint, and I am aware that, as such, Christians get some criticism. While I don't have time to depict every nuance of Christianity, however, I find the argument that Christianity is some sort of fairytale meant to make everyone feel better about death and dying and the wrong in the world and all that, to be a little silly. Honestly, anyone who has done any research on the Christian faith can tell you that the majority of what's in the Bible is not all rainbows and butterflies. There is talk of sin, punishment, war, judgment, fighting, prostitution, murder, drunkenness, betrayal, immorality... and I'm not just talking about the Old Testament. That is not to say that there are not more pleasant topics to be found in the Bible, like love and forgiveness, but to say that Christians just believe a bunch of feel-good topics to make themselves feel better about life is an argument that is erroneous, to say the least.
          This is just a little bit of an introduction to a topic I plan to spend talking about in depth. I will cover my own viewpoint, as well as take a look at some other viewpoints out there. It's inevitable, so even though some of us don't like talking about it, I think we should.
          It's something to think about. Not to obsess over, but to mull over perhaps.

Fear vs. Fear

Hello everyone!
This blog post was written by my wonderfully fantastic friend Megan. (You can follow her poetry blog here: http://hungryfishpoetry.blogspot.com/) It is an excellent piece of writing, concerning fear, doubt, worry, and the like, that she wrote specifically for my blog. So, enjoy!

"I've been thinking about fear a lot recently. Everybody has something that triggers this bitter feeling. Maybe it's a fear of rejection, a fear of pain, or anything else. 1 John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Yet, knowing this, I am conflicted by the use of the word 'fear', because through the Old Testament AND the New Testament people are said to be God-fearing, or filled with a fear of God. I am confused and conflicted. 2 Timothy 1 says we weren't made with a spirit of timidity or fear, but again, the fear of God issue... I think the problem lies in the word itself. I find this to be a failing of the English language! Rather than one meaning to a word, we stave every word to a host of names. I think the fear issue I have should be rested like this: fear of God: respect, reverence, and love of God. An unwillingness to disappoint Him. I think God wants us to be bold and courageous. Now, courageous people don't have an absence of fear; they have a determination to overcome it. I'm sure firefighters have a healthy respect and fear of fire, but they master it. Surgeons, I feel confident saying, fear messing up a procedure. Again though, they overcome it. I think that's where God wants us to be. We are permitted to be unsure of our abilities, but we should be bold in our relationship with Him. After all, Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." I think the Biblical admonishments against fear can be further clarified like this: "Don't worry. You may not be able to do it in your own strength, and it's fine to recognize that. In God's strength, however, anything can get done. Trust Him."
So, perfect love (le God) drives out doubts, worries, and inability. God wants us to trust Him and to live boldly, day by day. Let God worry about the big stuff, the small stuff, the scary stuff, and all the stuff. We should just concern ourselves with obeying Him."

Wanderer

          I've been in such a struggle lately. I've come to a crossroads and I'm stuck there, with no map, no direction, and no destination. 

          For, while it is a horrible thing to be lost, it is even more horrible to be on a journey and not have a destination. And I would know. I have been in both situations. When you are lost, you at least know where you are supposed to be going. If you can be found, or find your way back to the path, you are set to rights again. There is at least the hope of finding your way. Not so when you have no destination. You don't know where you're supposed to be going and so you just... wander. You endlessly wander with no purpose until your life whittles away, pointless. 

         Depressing? Yes. Entirely. But true nonetheless. People are meant to have destinations. We are meant to have goals, aspirations, dreams... it's how we're made. We're built to always be heading towards something. So what happens when there is nothing that you're heading towards? Do you go mad? I mean, there is a difference between heading towards something through the mist, even if you don't what it is, and just meandering around in circles because you don't know where you're supposed to be going. It is a conundrum. 

         When you have no direction, no heading, there is not a map in the world that can help you. GPS does no good. And the advice of a million people can offer no relief because you don't know what you want. It makes you think, doesn't it? What are your priorities? What is it, exactly, that you are heading towards? How can you chase something that just isn't there?

         What happens when you just wander? Wandering gets you nowhere. 

          It's a question that has been on my mind a lot lately. Because I am at a place where I need to make a decision, but I don't even know the options in front of me. And if you don't even know the choices, how can you be sure to pick the right one?

          I seem to have only questions, and no answers. 

          And at the end of the day, I can write as many blog posts as I want, use as many analogies as my brain can think of, and describe this hopeless situation a thousand times over. Analyzing things and mulling over problems can offer new insight and provide an explanation that you overlooked before. But, as with so many things in life, there may be no set right answer. 

          Have you ever read a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book? If you have, and you're anything like me, you will have been through one book at least fifty times, trying to get every possible scenario. Hours wasted, ripping through just one adventure, trying to make all the right choices so that you get the best ending. The thing about those books, though, is that you can go back and make the right choices. If you have to make a decision, and you made the wrong decision before, you can make the right decision by process of elimination. Life isn't like that. You make the decisions that you make, and if they are the wrong decisions, there are no do overs. You don't get to flip back to the beginning of the book and try again. 

         This brings us to the fear factor. Because, when faced with big decisions, (even something as ambiguous as a goal for your life,) we fear making the wrong choice because it can negatively impact our lives. We've all made a bad decision, and it has scarred us. We become reluctant and second guess ourselves and can't even pick a destination because we are uncertain. We are afraid. 

          And so, we wander. Because wandering around in a comfortable little rut is better to us than the unknown. Is it indecisiveness that leads us to this place? Or fear? Or some deadly combination of both? And does that even matter? Because when you are in that place, when you become the wanderer, there is only one thing that matters: escape. You have to escape the endless wandering, and find a destination. Maybe someone rescues you from that place or maybe you just select a place, somewhere in the distance, and head towards it as a lifeline. But you have to get out of there, because when you wander, you go nowhere. 

          It is not an easy thing to do, to leave the nomadic style of thinking. And a little wandering can be okay. That's called exploring, and sometimes it's a necessary thing to do. But wandering forever? That leads to a life spent in the realm of the comfortable and unchanging. If you don't invest in risks, then you can't expect change, either positive or negative.