Life has a tendency to leave us afraid, wouldn't you agree?
I'm not talking about average fears of tangible things. (Fear of spiders comes to mind... or maybe clowns.) We are constantly striving to be perfect, and so we have a fear of failure. A fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or the fear of not saying something and missing out on an oppurtunity. The fear of being alone. The fear of being unloved. The fear of being fake. The fear of being a hypocrite.
The list goes on and on. I'm sure you could add any number of fears to that list. I could.
We are so afraid of messing up that we walk around on eggshells all the time, trying to live without regrets. The thing is, in all of our carefulness we forget that a life well lived is full of mistakes.
Before I sound completely callous by saying that, let me elaborate. I understand that some mistakes virtually ruin people's lives. But, how many times have we heard "without risk, there is no reward". (Answer- a million or more.) It's true though. We live our lives ruled by our fears and so we don't take risks. We live in a safe, comfortable little bubble where everything seems perfect and fine and nothing can hurt us. How dull.
Now, I started thinking about this particular subject for a completely random reason.
Recently I receieved a Taylor Swift CD as a gift.
Yes, that is completely random, but it isn't exactly off topic.
I loved the gift. I am a hopeless romantic and most of the songs appeal to that side of my personality.
Being the person that I am, I read the booklet inside of the CD case. The album is entitled "Speak Now" and in the intorductory note, Taylor Swift explains why the album is so entitled. Here's a little excerpt:
"Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.
What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.
So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.'
There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.
I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now."
Now, I could pick just about any song from this album and tell you how it related to me. How it touched me because I've experienced or am experiencing similar emotions. But this note at the beginning struck me the most. I am the worst offender when it comes to leaving things unsaid. I am so terrified of making an idiot of myself that I don't say how I feel. That's just pride.
I guess that's why I started this blog. It is far easier to speak your mind to a faceless internet audience than it is to an actual person.
As 2011 comes to a close, I've been thinking a lot about things that I would love to change about myself in the new year. I would love to take more risks, be bold, speak my mind even if it means that I look back and cringe at the stupid things I've said.
But, as long as something is said in love, as long as it is not meant to hurt someone, and if it is weighing so heavily on your heart that you feel the burden every time you leave it unsaid, don't you think it better off spoken than left inside? Even if you are left feeling like an idiot after it's all said and done.
For me, I feel like actually saying the things on my mind is a dream too far off, too unrealistic. But I'm going to try. :)
And you said you couldn't write. As a lady with a degree in judging such things, I say you write quite well. :)
ReplyDelete