Is Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder?

I think that one of the challenges that people face today is self-perception. I know so many people think of themselves as un-beautiful and therefore un-desireable.
When did the terms become synonymous?
It's so sad that people think that they are unlovable or unwanted because they don't think themselves "attractive". I know that this way of thinking is a problem for everyone, but from what I've seen and heard and from general experience, I'm going to have to say that it is especially hard on women. Outward appearance, beauty, is something that we are taught to value from a young age. It's the culture we are raised in. The world tells us that if we aren't perceived as beautiful we are worthless. The "successful' people that we see are gorgeous, they have perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect clothes, are the ideal height and weight. And even though we know better, we can't help but look at such people after a while and think "if only I could look like that..." I don't know about you, but I feel so weak thinking that. It doesn't stop me from thinking it from time to time, but I feel so mortified. Why would I let myself think that? I know that outward appearances don't really mean anything, that it's "what's inside that counts", and yet I let myself give into these thoughts.
I know people think that they aren't beautiful. We are our own worst critics, and we strive for perfection. This is a deadly combination, as we are always trying to keep up with ridiculous standards and constantly telling ourselves that we aren't good enough. Everyday we can look in the mirror and be disgusted with the reflection. Who actually believes it when people tell them they look good? Most of the time I don't.
How many times have we told ourselves "they're just saying that to be nice"?
And so, we beat ourselves up, knock ourselves down, and tell ourselves and everyone else that we aren't beautiful.
What. A. Lie.
Psalm 139:13-16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Now, if we are the works of God, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We aren't accidents, and we aren't ugly.
He thinks we're beautiful; He made us this way. In His image.
We always say that beauty is the eye of the beholder. I want to challenge that. What if beauty is something universal? There is beauty to be found in everything and everyone, I am certain.
Our perceptions cause us to think that someone is more beautiful than someone else. And it's true that we find beauty in different things. We need to stop believing the lie that we aren't beautiful; men, women and children alike.
You know what I think? Laughter is beautiful. So are smiles. Hugs are beautiful. Compassion is beautiful.
Love is beautiful.
Beauty is not looking like a model. Beauty is not comparing yourself to everyone that walks by.
Beauty is the strength to carry on and know the truth when the world lies to you and tells you that you aren't beautiful.
Choose to be beautiful. Choose to ignore your inner critic.
If you know that you are beautiful because the Creator of the universe thinks that you are beautiful, don't let the world take that knowledge from you.   
Show others that they are beautiful.
Never forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what anyone says.

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

       Life has a tendency to leave us afraid, wouldn't you agree?
       I'm not talking about average fears of tangible things. (Fear of spiders comes to mind... or maybe clowns.) We are constantly striving to be perfect, and so we have a fear of failure. A fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or the fear of not saying something and missing out on an oppurtunity. The fear of being alone. The fear of being unloved. The fear of being fake. The fear of being a hypocrite.
       The list goes on and on. I'm sure you could add any number of fears to that list. I could.
       We are so afraid of messing up that we walk around on eggshells all the time, trying to live without regrets. The thing is, in all of our carefulness we forget that a life well lived is full of mistakes.
       Before I sound completely callous by saying that, let me elaborate. I understand that some mistakes virtually ruin people's lives. But, how many times have we heard "without risk, there is no reward". (Answer- a million or more.) It's true though. We live our lives ruled by our fears and so we don't take risks. We live in a safe, comfortable little bubble where everything seems perfect and fine and nothing can hurt us. How dull.
       Now, I started thinking about this particular subject for a completely random reason.
       Recently I receieved a Taylor Swift CD as a gift.
       Yes, that is completely random, but it isn't exactly off topic.
       I loved the gift. I am a hopeless romantic and most of the songs appeal to that side of my personality.
       Being the person that I am, I read the booklet inside of the CD case. The album is entitled "Speak Now" and in the intorductory note, Taylor Swift explains why the album is so entitled. Here's a little excerpt:

       "Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.
       What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.
       So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.'
       There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.
       I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now."

       Now, I could pick just about any song from this album and tell you how it related to me. How it touched me because I've experienced or am experiencing similar emotions. But this note at the beginning struck me the most. I am the worst offender when it comes to leaving things unsaid. I am so terrified of making an idiot of myself that I don't say how I feel. That's just pride.
       I guess that's why I started this blog. It is far easier to speak your mind to a faceless internet audience than it is to an actual person.
       As 2011 comes to a close, I've been thinking a lot about things that I would love to change about myself in the new year. I would love to take more risks, be bold, speak my mind even if it means that I look back and cringe at the stupid things I've said.
       But, as long as something is said in love, as long as it is not meant to hurt someone, and if it is weighing so heavily on your heart that you feel the burden every time you leave it unsaid, don't you think it better off spoken than left inside? Even if you are left feeling like an idiot after it's all said and done.
     For me, I feel like actually saying the things on my mind is a dream too far off, too unrealistic. But I'm going to try. :)

New Year, No Regrets

Emptiness (Part 1):

                It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, she thought miserably as she stared in the mirror at the large bruise forming around her eye. Life was supposed to work itself out. Wasn’t it? Everyone had always told her that she could be anything that she wanted to be. She could have anything she wanted if she worked hard enough. She just wanted happiness. But happiness seemed to elude her all the time recently.

                How long had it been since she had noticed the emptiness? A few months… no, closer to a year. She was so bored with life. A perpetual hamster wheel of nothingness… the same people, the same routines. Her dream of starting her own small business fading slowly as the obstacles began to stack up. She had worked hard. She deserved to live her dream.  

                Fat, ugly tears began to slide down her cheeks, and her mascara blurred underneath her eyes.

                No, life was not supposed to be like this.

                And then… three months ago she had met Bryan. A smart, handsome, athletic guy who was three years into college and coached a little league team. An absolute sweetheart, everyone agreed. They had met by accident, she had filled in for a friend at her job and he came in to order coffee… and stayed for two hours, sitting in the window, smiling at her every time she glanced over. After her shift was over he confessed to her that he was trying to work up the courage to ask her out.

                She grabbed the brush off the counter and hurled it at the mirror, but it bounced off harmlessly and landed on the floor, mocking her.

                She had fallen for his sweet, shy act. Why couldn’t she see what a jerk he was from the beginning?

                Everything was great. Everything was fine. Too bad Bryan was an alcoholic.

                He had been going to AA for awhile, trying to stop. But he had never told her that. And he decided, two months into their relationship, that he liked drinking too much to stop. And sure, everyone had their problems. She had her fair share. But why hadn’t he told her?

                He was a monster when he drank. She had a few friends who would go out and get absolutely wasted but they were the harmless type; singing Shirley Temple and Britney Spears songs and running around the parking lot with their pants around their ankles. But not Bryan. He became angry, sometimes violent.

                Like tonight.

                She didn’t know he had been drinking. She only wanted to confront him, to ask him to stop. For her. Her ignorance had led her to believe that if she asked him to stop, he would. But he didn’t. He wouldn’t.

                Her eye began to throb with the memory, as if only the thought of the injury caused the pain to worsen. She had told him she would leave him if he didn’t leave the bottle and come with her to get help.

                And so he had hit her.

                In the face.

                She had only wanted to be happy. Why had this happened?

We all have an emptiness. We all have a hole that needs to be filled. For this new year, I want to lean on Jesus to fill my empty void. Because nothing else will work. Anything else will leave us empty, looking for our next fix, our next relationship, our next drink, our next anything that seems to give us temporary happiness.

There is no way I can guarantee happiness for myself or anyone else for a year, or a month, even a minute. Life is hard sometimes, and bad things happen. But I know that there is Someone greater than anything this world can throw at me, Someone who can give me peace and hold me through my heartaches.

My new year's resolution is to surrender everything I have to the one who gave me life. Because my Savior is the only one who can fill my emptiness.